Anger never solves anything
. it builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.
“If anger is your only response to disappointment, then you will forever act out the role of a ‘hammer’. When the stage has been reached that you have completely lost the plot and your extreme expression of explosive emotion is evident, your thoughts, words, and deeds toward the person whom you perceive to have incited such anger in you are a little short of murderous. It is at this stage of the process that you are determined to nail them to the cross and crucify them. For years, I have lived with such anger and disappointment with my soon-to-be ex-spouse. Little did I know that I was living with a toxic and narcissistic person for more than four decades! The pandemic from 2020 has given me the opportunity and insight to learn that, in actual fact, I have been living with another toxic and narcissistic person. The first was my late mother and that is a whole different narrative altogether!
So what are the odds when one thinks of
‘escaping’ from a childhood dysfunction only to enter into another dysfunction in marriage? A double whammy, I should say…but we all know that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I am still waiting patiently for that reason to unfold. Life indeed is a mystery. As they say, yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called THE PRESENT.
So for the health of my mental well-being, I have decided that enough was more than enough and have left such toxicity for good. It is better to walk alone and be happy than to be in a toxic relationship and be miserable every single day.
Most people do not consider themselves to be able to control their anger. They tend to see anger as being a predominant character trait and will often make excuses and remarks such as, ‘Once I get my anger up, there’s no stopping me!’ Let me tell all of you who may hold this erroneous view, ‘anger’ is a learned reaction to frustration and other situations that instinctively annoy and upset you. Indeed, the expression of severe anger is a form of emotional disturbance and mental insanity, whereby one’s behavior has become extremely irrational and out of control.
The ‘mental insanity’ in anger is best seen when, instead of expressing hatred and anger towards another person, one suppresses their feelings and turns the anger inwards and starts to hate themselves. Instead of ‘exploding’ in anger, they ‘implode’ and become, in all manner of self-sabotage. Every thought, every feeling, and every action they have are self-destructive at their heart. 
Self-love is the counter-effect of anger. I have learned that anger is a useless emotion. It is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it!
Once I relearned to love myself, I automatically started to express love for others again. Paradoxically, in ‘finding myself’ I’d found the process of managing anger and in the ensuing years, I was able to pass that on to countless others effortlessly. In this, I am grateful that I have healed from past childhood and marital traumas of abuse. In essence, I have pulled myself out of victimhood and am instead a survivor! I have also learned the hard way that holding anger is very destructive not only to one’s mental health but to one’s overall physical health and well-being.
The essential message of ‘Anger Management’ is how to get the ‘Dragon of Anger’ out of your body. This can only be achieved by putting into your body, the ‘Dragon of Love.’ It takes the emotion of Love to dispel the emotion of Anger from our body, to set a good equilibrium in our lives.
#angermanagement #selflove