You may wonder why I am always talking about friendships. Perhaps the main reason why I value friendships is that I was not allowed to make any friends when I was growing up. The handful of friends whom I was allowed to keep was on condition that they come to my house. I was not allowed to fraternize/socialize with them on outings. The very rare outings which I had with them, I had to sneak out of the house on a pretext that it was a school activity.
People will walk in and walk out of your life, but the ones whose footsteps made a long-lasting impression are the ones you should never allow to walk out. Over the years, I have changed my circle of friends. These days, I do not chase after any relationships. I know my value as a friend and it is in my opinion that I do not lose friends. They lose me.
It is truly strange that the few people whom I have been speaking to these days have told me that they have stopped keeping friends. The reason is that they were betrayed by their friends. The worst-case scenario is that their wife ran away with their so-called best friend. I think it is the most hurtful and ultimate betrayal for one to be betrayed by the people they love, I call it the “double trauma.” The first is the love of their life, who had promised to be faithful and to love them until death do they part. The second is their confidante, whom they love and share with their inner thoughts and feelings. So, one can imagine who they will turn to when this happens? We usually turn to our best friends for support and comfort during challenging times like this.
How can one ever get over this highest form of betrayal is beyond me. One even shared with me that he had almost killed his best friend when he chanced upon the affair. Truly, a crime of passion! He had served some time in prison for it. After the “fog of anger” has passed, he was remorseful and was grateful that his friend survived the attack. I believe that we are all human and we should not stand in judgment of such situations. After all, human beings are born with original sin. We all have our weakness and are easily tempted in situations beyond our control…especially of the heart, never mind the flesh.
The best thing to do is to avoid situations being alone with each other in a social setting where an ill-fated attraction may start to germinate. Unless one party or both parties have the will power to remain steadfast and faithful to their marriage vows, there is always a temptation to stray if there is ever a spark of attraction.
For whatever it is worth, I still believe in the power of friendship and one should not give up on keeping friends. I may not experience this kind of hurt (God forbid) but I can totally empathize with the situation.
My two cents worth (as usual) is to move on and if necessary, to go for counseling. We are always our worse enemy and if we keep dwelling on the betrayal and trauma, it will constantly be played in our minds, over and over again, like a broken recorder. That will increase your resentment, hurt, anger and sometimes unhealthy thoughts of revenge. I always believe that it is better to let it go and move on. If your spouse and best friend truly love you, they would have second thoughts about betraying you. It is better to know where their loyalty lies and in my opionion (as always) is that it is better to “have loved and lost” than not knowing that they have betrayed you behind your back.
Believe me, you are in a better position now. If they are able to hurt and betray their spouse and good friend, chances are that they may do it to each other. So, thank your lucky stars! The best revenge is to live your best life EVER and when they see that you are actually happy, they will start to resent you for it.
May God bless all the people who have been hurt and betrayed in their lives. May God be their solace and May He bless them as they bravely carry on with their lives and find happiness in His love, one day at a time.
To me, God is the one true constant in our lives. He will love us unconditionally no matter who and what we are. In God we trust.